August 17, 2006
Numbers,Trust, and Relationships
Numbers are used as justification when there is no personal relationship.
Think about that for a moment.
If I trust that you're going to give me correct change, I don't even count it when you give it to me. Why bother? I trust you. And I trust you because I know you--we have a relationship. I trust that, even if you miscounted and I find out later, you would quickly correct the mistake, with little harm done.
When some stranger gives me change, I count it. We have no relationship; both his competency and his ethics are suspect. Guilty until proven innocent, you might say, but really, most of us have been burned enough times to accept this reality of everyday life. There's a fine line between openness and naivete.
This concept scales indefinitely. We monitor the finances of corporations because we don't trust them. We quantify our achievements so that we can prove to some stranger in the human resources department why we deserve a raise. We don't need to prove that to our boss; she already knows us. But she needs to prove it to them.
With each degree of separation, trust drops dramatically. I trust you, and I might trust your friend, but I might double check them anyway; and their friend, I wouldn't trust much more than a complete stranger.
Think about how much time and energy is spent on numbers--justifying, proving, defending to people we don't know. Entire industries, professions, and disciplines within professions are dedicated to it. How much efficiency could be gained if there was a trusted personal relationship instead?
I don't have any answers or moral message here. I know that life usually gets more complicated than that. Just something to think about.
Why did I say at times rather than at all times? Because in my experience, as well as many others I know, we are willing to give a try and trust others given if our intuition and observation tell us that the person is trustworthy. What do we observe?* appearance: this gives the outside world a message of who we are.
* conduct: how we behave
* words: what we say
There are people who cover up who they truly are by hiding under a facade. I've met them: they dress well, spoken well and behaved well - at first. Then when something comes up, they are the first to leave. Or when there are good things for people to take, they are the first to grab some, not thinking about whether there are enough for others.
Then what is the point of rebuilidng/finetuning the outer image you may ask? Because it does give an advantage of people being more willing to trust you on first sight. After that, it is up to you to maintain your outer image, while being true to your best self - inner image. I know that even I want to stay away from those who look sloppy or dirty, or conduct themselves badly in public.
As an image consultant, I absolutely prefer to work with people who have a good heart, who don't lie and cheat to make money from others (I don't care if the person is willing to pay me a lot - if s/he has a bad heart, I'd rather not take them on as clients). So far, clients who come to me are very decent people.
